Behold my washer/dryer newly installed in the kitchen. Yes, installed. The building engineer knocked at 6:30 in the morning this week and brought in a new model and when I asked why he hadn't pushed the machine under the countertop, he claimed that he's not allowed to cut out the particle board disguised as wood, feigning to be a baseboard. Instead of having a meltdown, I tipped him and thanked him profusely and walked straight into the facilities management manager's office at work and persuaded him to come to my apt with another guy this weekend. Tomorrow, I will bring them the canvas tote bag that will conceal the electric saw that will do away with the obstruction preventing the washer/dryer from being pushed under the counter. There's a PVC pipe to trim, too; feels a little Sopranos-like.
I was moved to corporate housing around about 6 weeks after my arrival. The building is a hotel with a tower for hotel guests and apartments for residents. None of the apartments have an oven as the owner is either a moron or the intended market was for business residents eating out every night, or hopefully defaulting to the restaurant on the premises. The a/c does not regulate for the three bedrooms despite there being temperature instruments with LED screens; they are always "on." I went to London for business last week with a cold and came back with a lingering cough that was not going to heal soon with a/c blowing directly on me all night.
There are two bathrooms in this fine flat - one in the master and one in the hallway. The master shower had very poor water pressure and the temperature was tepid, at best. Upon returning from London and once again facing tepid showers with anemic water pressure and non-stop air conditioning, I called for the engineer to come up and find a way to turn off the air. He flicked a switch on the electrical panel and then I directed him to the bathroom since the air was such a quick fix.
He pulled away one of the dropped ceiling panels and we discovered that the water heater was missing. I took a picture of the water pipes meant to be connecting to the water heater and emailed them to the sales manager, referring to a recent TIME OUT advert where the building positions itself as a "taste of luxury." A cold shower is hardly luxurious, I wrote. This flat costs almost double my former Williamsburg loft with views to Wall Street in Brooklyn so I am outraged by the perception of "quality" in this place. In about 12 hours the water heater was installed. Now I am dealing with a slow leak...from the new water heater. It never ends.
And then there's Thanksgiving next week ...I am invited to the big boss' house for a dose of Americana that evening and I am supposed to bring my world famous cranberry sauce, which calls for a bottle of Pinot Noir. I don't yet have my liquor permit so I will have to take a day off to get it because I can't show up without my sauce and I can't make it without the booze and I need a permit to buy said booze....not to mention the dry white I should tote along for the unfortunate bird, processed somewhere in Australia or Eastern Europe and put on a plane for the ex-pats to enjoy in the Arabian Gulf with little regard to the obscene carbon footprint facilitating the commemoration of the violent displacement of the Native American.
I am starting to feel like nothing surprises me anymore - it hasn't even been 90 days. I would kill for a bottle of Goo-Gone, in case Santa needs some inspiration.
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