I've waited a while to collect my thoughts for this one. In a patriarchal society, there are stark differences that vary between the glaring and the subtle and it takes time to absorb what is not necessarily being presented while available for consumption. The unique roles of men and women in the Arab world are fascinating and here's a small glimpse of a colleague and an anecdote in the category of the absurd.
After a sleepless night combatting jet lag transitioning from GMT -4 to GMT +3, I reported to the office at 7 in the morning after a 5-week leave (I still have 3 weeks to take before Labor Day!). I decided to shave another 5 minutes off the end of my life by stepping into McHamad's smoke-filled office, who is the only person allowed to smoke at his desk across the organization and I know he relies on cigarettes the way I do on caffeine at that time of day. That's not really his name...it's Mohammed; Hamad is a common abbreviation for the longer name. McHamad doesn't know that this is his secret name - another American colleague and I decided he was dreamy - a problem solver with a wicked sense of humor and irony and pretty decent English. So we inserted the "Mc" before his abbreviated name, similar to the nicknames on "Grey's Anatomy" as acknowledgement of our admiration, which we cannot express.
One of McHamad's endearing qualities are when his eyes flash with sheer amusement at the absurd when I follow up on something and his update involves a short explanation of ineptness or a tortoise pace that is out of his control. We both smile. Insh'allah.
McHamad is married with a few small children. Another colleague of ours saw him at a mall on the weekend with his wife, who was wearing the abaya and niqab - the most covered up an Arab woman can be in public. We were surprised that McHamad's wife is so modest but it may be that he's very conservative, which is also a surprise because when I see him out of his traditional thobe on a day that he's going to the Industrial Zone for errands or something, he's wearing a short-sleeve pique polo shirt with the collar up, sunglasses pushed up on his head and jeans...he could very well be in any western setting like that. He's my favorite chameleon, but I am not allowed to tell him.
I met an interesting Frenchwoman on the return flight from Paris in January. She is based in the Gulf working for a Foundation with ties to our organization. I had coffee with her last week at the souq, where she updated me on the trials and tribulations of a relationship with a Brit she thankfully ended while I was away. She was living with him, which is super risky here, so it was a bit traumatic to settle somewhere new when the rental real estate selection is so limited. She's keeping herself busy and she told me about the day prior where a western expat announced that she had officially attained local "status."
My friend recounted that she was a guest on a boat with a group of younger British women in their 20's who seemed to be friends with one another. At one point, one of them announced that she was officially "the mistress wife" to a man 30+ years her senior from a prominent local family. Apparently, she had been betrothed to this man, with three current wives, in a ceremony involving his peers but she wasn't allowed to tell anyone for the first six months, which was part of a contract that apparently renewed with her good behavior - hence her good fortune announcement at the boat party.
My friend was horrified and could barely utter "congratulations" while the 4th wife's friends squealed with delight at the tales of luxury gifts and trips. The 4th wife justified her good fate by explaining that her boyfriend back home always cheated on her and that at least now, she was enjoying beautiful gifts and exotic travel. The poor girl may come to her senses one day and realize that she's a hooker with perks but she won't be able to leave the country if her visa is sponsored by Sugar Daddy and he is not keen to give up his marital rights.
I have a visiting scholar in town for two weeks who I recruited to do some work for us. She's an anthropologist so I am wondering how much I should reveal and how much she can pick up on her own that I don't see.
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